How many hours is my child sleeping?

First step: Count up the hours that your child is sleeping now. This is not always as easy as you might think.

Sample method:

Each morning, make a note of your child’s wake up time. It does not matter if your child wakes up on their own or with your help

Each evening, make a note of your child’s fall asleep time. You or your child’s other parent will need to stay awake long enough to determine the fall asleep time. Don’t go to bed until your child is sleeping.

Each afternoon, make a note of time spent napping. Naps sometimes occur during car rides, bus rides, or at other times. Include those times too.

Count up all of the hours that your child sleeps for each 24 hours

Do this for seven days. Average your numbers.

Alternate method for counting up sleep hours

Think about how your child slept for the past three nights. Or, think about teh past week. See if you can come up with an ‘average’ number of hours of sleep per 24 hours- Try doing this for your own sleep first, and then try doing the calculation for your child.

Second step: How many hours should my child be sleeping?

Sleep needed, by age

The following information tells you how many hours children are usually supposed to sleep, per 24 hours.

Infants sleep 14 to 16 hours

Toddlers sleep 12 to 14 hours

Preschool-aged children sleep 11 to 13 hours

School-aged children sleep 10 to 11 hours

Older school-aged children sleep 9 to 10 hours

If you are not sure, ask your child’s pediatrician how many hours is about right for your child. For any child who attends school or preschool, the number of hours is likely to be between 9 and 12 hours of sleep. Most or all of the sleep should occur at night. If your child needs a nap, subtract the nap time from the total. For example, if your child needs 11 hours of sleep per 24 hours but takes a nap each day, then they should sleep 10 hours at night and one hour during the day. Don’t allow for more than about 2 hours for your child’s nap.

What should my child’s sleeping schedule look like?

Choose the right wake up time. Teaching and training begins with choosing the wake up time, not the bedtime. The time you choose for your child’s wake up time is one of the few decisions that you can be selfish about. Make the wake-up time work for you, your family, and your child.

Choose the right bedtime. Count backwards from the wake up time to calculate the bedtime.

Example: If your child’s wake up time is 6:00AM, and your child needs 10 hours of sleep at night time, then the bedtime should be 8:00 PM. If the wake up time is 7:00 AM, then the bedtime should be 9:00PM.

Example: If your child needs 11 hours of sleep and still has a nap, you could allow 10 hours of sleep at night time and a one-hour nap. Most older preschoolers no longer need a nap, and could have all of their sleep at night time only. For preschoolers, the nap should be less than two hours. Try to eliminate the nap for older preschoolers, school age children, and high school students.

Special mention: Some children with “sleeping problems” get put to bed too early! If your child needs 10 hours of sleep and the wake up time is 7:00, don’t put them to bed at 8:00 and expect them to fall asleep. They will probably not fall asleep before 9:00pm.

Choose sleep-onset associations for your child. Your child needs to choose items and a ritual to help with falling asleep. The items and rituals that you and your child choose are called sleep-onset associations. Sleep-onses=t associations tell the brain that it’s time to fall asleep.

Your child should choose a toy, blanket, pillow, or other item. This item will tell them that it’s time for sleeping. Your child should also choose a ritual for bedtime. The ritual can include a short conversation with you, a prayer, or some reading. These steps work well for young children, but also for older children who have developmental delays. The lighting should be soft, dim, or dark. The temperature should be cool.

Older children who are developmentally more advanced can have some reading time. Or, they can have a conversation with you.

The bedtime routine does not include any screen time, snack, or drink. Food is only allowed earlier in the evening. The bedtime routine should take 10 minutes or so.

Consistent wake up time

Start with a consistent wake up time. Wake your child or adolescent up at the same time each morning. When you first start teaching, use the same wake up time seven days per week. This is the best strategy for all children and youth, regardless of age. If you like, you can allow your child to sleep in an extra hour on weekend. But, it’s best to keep things very consistent during the training period. Sleeping in makes it harder for your child’s brain to master good sleeping habits.

Eliminate naps

Keep naps short, e.g. less than 1 or 2 hours. Don’t allow napping unless it’s part of the schedule. Very important: If your child does not sleep well during the night, do not allow extra sleep during the day. The more tired your child is after last night’s sleep, the more ready they will be to fall asleep tonight. The more tired they are tonight, the better the chances they will sleep through the night.

If your child does a lot of day time sleeping, you may need to reduce the day time sleeping gradually.

Example: Reduce or eliminate the nap. If your child is young and needs a nap, try to reduce the length of the nap gradually. You can wake up your child after 3 hours, 2.5 hours, 2 hours, and then 1.5 hours. That way, after four days, you’ve reduced the nap to a more reasonable amount. Naps should typically be one to two hours maximum. Most older preschoolers or kindergarten students do not need a nap.

Example: Eliminate your teenager’s day time sleeping. Some adolescents sleep in late and arrive late at school. Or, they end up napping at school. Day time sleep should be reduced and then eliminated. Be sure that your teenager’s teaching staff know that sleeping during the day is not allowed. It will interfere with sleeping at night time. School is for learning and socializing, not for sleeping! If there is a lot of day time sleep, you may need to reduce the day time sleep gradually. Your adolescent will make up for reduced day time sleep by sleeping more at night time. These recommendations are true for typically developing adolescents, as well as adolescents with a developmental disability.

Example: Adjust the timing of bedtime. You will not always know what’s the best bedtime. Once you have fixed the wake up time for a few days, you might need to change the timing for bedtime. The best time for bedtime is when your child is sleepy and can fall asleep quickly.

Example and tip: Use sleep deprivation to speed up learning. Start the bedtime routine a bit too late. If your child is supposed to sleep from 9:00 PM to 7:00 am, try putting your child to bed at 9:30 PM. Keep the morning wake up time fixed. Don’t allow naps. After a few days, your child will want to go to bed before 9:30 PM. You can then allow them to go to bed at 9:15PM. After a while, you can allow them to go to bed at 9:00PM. The more tired they are, the faster they fall asleep. Your child’s brain will learn that once bedtime starts, fall asleep will happen quickly.

Co-sleeping

Many children sleep with a parent or a sibling. This is called co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is usually not a problem for the child. You can teach your child good sleeping habits even if your child is co-sleeping. However, most children who co-sleep always need a co-sleeper. The co-sleeper is their sleep-onset association. When they have a co-sleeper, their brain knows that they can sleep.

Most children use their parents as their co-sleeper. This is not a problem for the child, as long as their parents are always available. Here’s the problem: Many parents do not want to be their child’s co-sleeper! Many parents don’t sleep well when they are sharing their bed with their child. It can interfere with the parent’s sleep! The steps listed on this page will help you teach your child to sleep independently.

Co-sleeping with parents

When children need to sleep with their parents, it’s because they are using their parents as a sleep-onset association. Once they are asleep, they can sleep normally. However, once they wake up, their brain needs their parents to be present. If they find themselves alone in their own bed, they will get out of bed to find their parents. It’s the only way they know how to fall asleep again.

Your co-sleeping child can learn to use other sleep-onset associations. They can learn not to use you as their sleep-onset association. Sleep-onset associations are are discussed in Objective #3.

Parents usually like to sleep separately from their children

If you do not wish to sleep with your child, then you can teach your child to sleep independently. Your child is teach-able at any age. You can choose the age that you think will work best for your child. A good rule is that children should be sleeping independently before the age of eight years, and before they enter puberty. In Western culture, most parents choose to teach their child to sleep independently much earlier. The main reason is because parents need to be well-rested to be good parents. Most parents sleep better when their child is not co-sleeping with them.

Prepare yourself for teaching your child to sleep independently.

You will probably not experience success simply by reading the information on this page. In order to teach your child to sleep independently, discuss your plans with others. This includes your child’s other parent, other family members, friends, and also professionals. Share this page with them. Discuss the points below. When you teach your child to sleep independently, you will end up losing sleep. You child will end up losing sleep. Your child might show a lot of distress. Someone might need to step in to help you if you get really tried or if your child gets too distressed.

Independent sleeping: Things to prepare for:

Your child’s resistance. Children who co-sleep with their parents are often very resistant about sleeping independently. Make sure that you get through objectives 1 to 3 first, while your child is still co-sleeping with you. Once your child is sleeping consistently on a schedule, then teach independent sleeping.

Lost sleep. Once you start teaching your child to sleep independently, you and your child will both end up losing sleep. Your child will lose sleep because they are struggling to fall asleep alone. You will lose sleep because you have to stay awake until your child falls asleep. You will lose sleep when your child does not fall asleep at bedtime, and stays awake for a long time. You will also lose sleep when your child wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t fall asleep alone. Even though you will lose sleep, do not worry too much. The first night is the most challenging. For each night the follows, you and your child will both get more and more sleep. Each night of training is better than the last, but you should count on at least few days for the training to be successful. Count on a few days of sleep deprivation. Special note: Even though your child is not allowed any catch-up sleep during the day, you ARE allowed catch-up sleep during the day. Set up the plan so that you can do some catch-up sleep during the day. Try doing the training over a long weekend or during a vacation week, so that you can do some catch-up on your sleep. Your child’s other parent will need to keep your child awake during the day.

Sharing the teaching role

Share the training with your child’s other parent or another family member. They will need to step in for you when you are too tired. Important point: Even though you are allowed to do some catch-up sleep when you lose sleep, your child is not allowed any catch-up sleep. In fact, your child’s sleep deprivation after the first night will help them fall asleep more quickly the next night. Don’t let your child sleep in late or have extra napping time. Your child’s fatigue will help them learn how to fall asleep more quickly the following night.

Be prepared for an upset child.

Children do not like it when their parents no longer allow them to co-sleep with them. When you start the training, they can get upset. They can cry, have a tantrum, or even look panicky. You will need to stay awake during this whole time. You will also have to reassure your child that you have not abandoned them and that they are safe.

Be reassuring.

Be reassuring while your child is upset. It’s hard to be reassuring, and not let them lie down with you. It’s very hard to find the balance between reassuring your child and being firm with your child. Here is what your child needs to know: Your child needs to know that you will always take care of them. They need to know that you will not harm them. They need to know that you love them. And, they need to know that you have confidence in them. You have to show them that they can do this on their own.

Rewards.

Rewards for falling asleep are not needed. The reward for falling asleep independently is just that: Increased independence. Your child will be proud to have mastered this skill. They do not need a reward.

Different levels of support to train your child.

When your child is sleeping independently, they will not need to touch you, see you, or hear you. They will fall asleep alone. You will have met your objective if your child falls asleep alone, without you in their room, and without you speaking to them from outside their room. You can control how quickly you reduce your level of support. See the following suggestions for how to reduce your level of support. If you are confused about the term, be sure to see the Content Page for Levels of Support.

Fast training. If you want to do the training quickly, remove physical, visual, and verbal support altogether. You will let your child know that they need to stay in their bed. You will let them know that you will stay outside their bedroom door. If they get out of their bed to find you, you will have to close the door. If they stay in their bed, you can keep the door open. You can provide some verbal support through the doorway. Provide some reassurance. Speak to them every two minutes, then every five minutes, then every ten minutes. Stay quiet even if they are crying. If they get panicky, you could do a quick reassurance by giving them a hug, and then leave the room again. Your child just needs to fall asleep somewhere in their bedroom. That first success is what you are looking for. The next night, they will get to the point of falling asleep sooner, and they will be less distressed.

Slow training. If you want to go slowly, remove physical contact, but stay in the room. Start out by sitting near th bed. Try sitting facing your child. Then, try showing your back to your child. Talk to your child from time to time. As the time goes by, talk with your child less and less. As each night passes, place yourself further and further away from your child. The first step is to get out of the room, while your child stays in their bed. This might take a few nights. Like the example above, you will leave the room and close the door if they get out of their bed.

The fast training can be completed within 3 to 5 nights. The slow training might take a week or two. You will have to decide if it’s better to do the training quickly or slowly. Sometimes it’s best to reduce support quickly, and experience success quickly. For other children, such as those with anxiety, you will have to move more slowly.

Identify successes.

Recognize learning successes. No matter how late it is and how long your child may have been upset, look for the moment when your child was successful.

However your child fell asleep is a success— as long as they fell asleep with less support from you. Falling asleep without touching you is one success. Falling sleep alone, without you in their bedroom, is a bigger success. Success will not all happen during the first night of training. Success will happen in steps. Your child will be less and less upset as each day goes by. Your child will be more and more successful as each day goes by.

Stay confident.

Have confidence in your skills as a teacher. Tell yourself that you are a good teacher. Be convinced that your relationship with your child will stay positive.

When you have a good plan and partners to share the task, you will feel more confident. Make sure you have someone to speak to when you lose confidence in your teaching plan.

If you fee insecure in your skill as a teacher, don’t do the training. Wait until a later date, when you might feel more confident.

Have confidence in your child’s success as a learner.

Convey a sense of success to your child. Even though your child is upset, your child will be proud of their accomplishment once they know how to fall asleep independently. Your child needs to see you as being confident and secure in your role as a teacher. Your child needs to know that you believe in their success as a learner.

If you feel insecure or uncertain about your child’s ability to learn this skill, wait until a later date. You need to make your child feel secure before you carry out this plan.

Teach good sleeping habits before considering a medication

A common practice is to use a medication to help a child fall asleep better. Medications should not be prescribed until the the parents and the practitioner understand the child’s current sleeping habits. For example, before starting a medication, you should know how many yours per night your child is sleeping. You should know where your child is sleeping. You should know what your child’s sleep-onset associations are.

Children do sleep. If you look carefully, you’ll discover that your child is sleeping successfully most nights. Medications are not needed. Your child is already sleeping. Maybe your child is sleeping in the wrong place. Maybe your child is not sleeping at the right times. But, most likely, you child is sleeping. Most likely, your child does not need any medications.

Before considering a medication, look at objectives 1, 2, and 3. Consider training your child to be a good sleeper, even if it means co-sleeping for a while longer. It will take a week or so to train your child to sleep consistently. After that, it will take 3 to 5 nights to train your child to sleep independently. It will take 2 to 3 weeks if you use a slow training method.

At times, there may be a medical condition that prevents your child from sleeping properly. Usually, when there’s a medical condition, it is relatively obvious. You should check with your child’s pediatrician if your child has night terrors, nightmares, or has snoring or breathing problems at night time.

Your child’s health care provider can discuss possible medical causes of poor sleep, such as breathing problems, stomach problems, or neurological problems that interfere with sleep.

However, don’t be fooled. Whether or not your child has a medical condition, they will still need to learn good sleeping habits. Usually, it’s not the sleeping that needs a medication— it’s the medical condition that may need a medication

Use your child’s health care practitioner to reassure yourself that the strategies listed above are appropriate for your child

What to do if your child is already taking a medication for sleeping.

Medications for sleeping can usually be removed. Your health care practitioner guide you here. Create a plan to remove the medication, especially if your child is now sleeping successfully.

Let’s say that your child already takes a medication for sleeping. Your first step is to keep the medications on board. Do the training, and help your child develop good sleeping habits. This includes the skill of sleeping independently. Sometimes, a medication used over the short term, gets everybody sleeping at night time and feeling less sleep-deprived.

Once your child (and you) are both sleeping well, you can gradually taper the medication to a lower dose and then remove it.

Whenever a medication is removed, it’s common to hit a rough patch. The brain can get used to a medication, and needs to re-adjust as the medication is withdrawn. Your child’s sleep can get disrupted as the medication is removed. Follow the steps described in this chapter. Keep the schedule consistent. Don’t allow for catch-up sleep during the day. If you prefer, don’t take the medication away until Winter or Summer vacation. You can remove the medication then. Keep the sleep-onset associations the same. Make sure you don’t start co-sleeping again. Keep the conditions the same once your child is back in school.