Schedule sleeping and eating.

The schedule for sleeping and eating is the most important aspect of the schedule. When you set up consistent sleeping and eating times, and create healthy sleeping and eating habits, your child can experience wellness.

Wellness refers to physical and mental health. The body and the mind both perform better when sleeping and eating occur on a schedule. For example, when sleeping and eating occur at predictable times, bodily hormones (such as hormones for digestion, hormones for sleeping) get released at predictable times.

Good sleeping and eating habits serve to maintain your child’s energy level and alertness. If you have not yet established a schedule for sleeping and eating, review the Sleeping and Eating chapters. It will be easier to set up the schedule of privileges and routines if you set up the schedule for sleeping and eating first.

Schedule of privileges.

When you first start teaching your child about the schedule, start with privileges. Privileges are fun activities. Your child needs to know that they will occur every day.

Fun activities include things like playing with toys, socializing with friends, watching a TV show or movie, playing computer games, or having fun with the family. Privileges can also include things like having desserts or sweets to eat, being able to buy a new toy at the store, or going on a special outing with the family or with friends. There are many reasons why privileges are so important. Look at the two reasons listed below:

1. Privileges are important for cognition and for wellness. Recreational time or play time is child’s work. Children have to play. Even though adults might call it a ‘privilege,’ play time is actually a foundation for cognitive growth. It helps to lay the foundation for learning, socializing, and wellness. Make sure your child has play time every day. Special note: This play time is usually not screen-based.

2. Motivation. Privileges enhance motivation. When children know that they have recreational or fun time in the schedule, they can manage the demands that adults make more successfully. Schedules help to children to finish work before their privilege. Most children find it easier to wait for something that’s exciting or preferred when they can watch the clock and see how much closer they are getting to their privilege.

Setting up the schedule of privileges.

Decide which days, and what time of day, you want your child to have privileges, such as the ones listed here:

Play time alone

Play time with family members

Play time with friends

Screen time . Special note: Screen time privileges are the most important privileges to schedule accurately. Recreational screen time should be less than two hours per day. If you schedule recreational screen time really well, you are more likely to see a reduction in behavior disturbances.

Remember: the two-hour rule is for recreational screen time. Your child can be allowed extra screen time if it’s for homework or for Face time visits with family or friends. If you live in a household where the television is kept on all the time, you could start out by scheduling some time when all screens are off. It could be that all screens are turned off only at night time. Or, you can turn all screens off for one hour each day, maybe at meal times. Gradually, you’ll work towards less screen time overall. You and the other adults in the home will have to follow the screen time rules yourself. Households have a lot of screens now. Curbing your own screen time use can be a challenge. Take some time and practice this skill.

Sugary snacks

A new toy or game

Pizza and movie night with the family; going to see a movie

Basic tips about privileges

Privileges should usually occur after routines or tasks are completed. For example, play time should occur after homework is completed. Special time with parents can also occur after tasks and routines are completed. You do not need to schedule a privilege after every routine or every task. But you should usually schedule your child’s privileges after some of the routines are already completed.

Special events, such as pizza and movie night with the family, going out for a movie, or buying a new toy at the store will not occur every day and might even not occur every week. You can schedule privileges such as these once per week, once per month, or less often.

Timing and duration of privileges.

The reason you should schedule privileges first is to enhance cognitive growth and motivation, as mentioned above. The other reason to schedule privileges first is to teach your child about frustration tolerance.

Children learn to tolerate the frustration of not getting a privilege right now if the schedule tells them that they will get the privilege later. The schedule needs to show when privileges are allowed, how long privileges can last, and when privileges are not allowed.

Use an analogue clock to teach your child about timing and duration of privileges, as well as other daily activities. For example, your child should be able to tell when sleeping and eating will start and stop. Your child also needs to know what time a privilege is scheduled to start and stop.

When your child understands when a privilege will start, they have something to look forwards to. This is called ‘deferred gratification.’

When your child understands when a privilege will stop, they will be less frustrated when the privilege has to come to an end. This is called: “Frustration tolerance.”

You can teach children about timing and time intervals by showing them the small and big hands of a clock. Put a sticky note next to the hour that shows the start time or the stop time of the privilege. Or, use a timer, or the big hand of the clock, to show you child when the privilege will stop.

Sometimes, it’s challenging to schedule privileges by the clock. for example, you might not be able to schedule privileges at exactly the same time each day. Also, some privileges don’t occur every day. If it’s easier, you can review the timing of privileges that morning or that afternoon, when you review the schedule for that day. For children who don’t have good language skills yet, use pictures to show them the schedule. For most children, a combination of pictures, photos, and words is a good strategy for teaching them about the schedule.

Schedule of routines.

The schedule of routines is discussed separately from the schedule of privileges, but the two really go together. Look at the examples of routines shown here:

1. Personal care routines. Routines are the tasks, activities, or chores of the schedule. Several daily routines are dedicated to personal care (toileting, washing, dressing) and managing personal belongings (put away toys, organize book bag for school). These routines usually occur at each end of the day, morning and evening. Make sure your child knows which routines occur in the morning, and which ones have to be completed in the evening. Use the strategies listed in the “resources” section to help your child master the routines. The next section, “How do I speak with my child about schedules?” provides additional insights into setting up a schedule of routines.

2. Other routines. Other routines include doing homework, cleaning up after a meal, helping with meal preparation, or helping around the house. Some of these routines occur every day, while others only occur once every few days or once a week. For example, cleaning up the bedroom or the bathroom, or helping around the house might only occur once a week or so. Make sure your child knows which routines occur every day, and which routines occur less often. Have a calendar or a weekly schedule to show them when the routines have to occur. Use the strategies listed in the “resources” section to help your child master the routines. The next section, “How do I speak with my child about schedules?” provides additional insights into setting up a schedule of non-daily routines.

Why the schedule of routines is so important.

There are seven great reasons to schedule routines.

1. Get tasks done. If it’s scheduled, it’s more likely to get done. Routines sometimes don’t get done because they are not preferred by children. They want to avoid doing the routine. That said, if the routines are scheduled, they will more likely get done the way they’re supposed to get done.

2. Get tasks done on time. If it’s scheduled, it’s more likely to happen on time. All of us have to respect timing and time intervals. Schedules teach children about being on time. The most important moment in the schedule for most children is to arrive on time at school. Schedules help children to learn what it mean to be ‘on time.’

3. Get tasks done more easily. If it’s scheduled, it’s easier to get through it. Schedules help to children to finish work before their privilege. The same can happen when they have boring or difficult task to do. It’s easier to get through a boring task if children know when the task will come to an end.

4. Teach first-then, and deferred gratification. Schedules teach children about first-then. The schedule teaches children about sequencing. The first sequence they learn is “first-then.” This simple sequence is important for all types of learning, not just getting tasks done each day. “First-then” helps to motivate children. For example, children learn: “First, finish your routine; then, you can have a privilege.”

5. Teach about sequencing. Schedules teach children about longer sequences. Most of what we do requires us to do things in a certain order: “First-second-third-last.” This is a longer sequence. Many of the things we have to do each day get done by following a sequence. It’s much easier to get things done when we have a sequence to follow. Sequences are an important foundation for learning.

6. Improve frustration tolerance. If it’s scheduled, it’s less frustrating. Children can get frustrated with adults when adults ask them to complete routines. They get especially frustrated if adults interrupt their privileges, and ask the child to do a routine. Your child will start their routines more promptly if they know in advance when the routine has to start. Try it out for yourself. See if your child follows your instruction to ‘put the toys away’ when they are in the middle of a game and were not expecting you to interrupt them. Then, on a different day, let them know in advance when you will be asking them to do a tasks or chore. See if their response is different. Just as important: See if your level of confidence is different. You will feel more confident about asking your child to complete routines if you already created a plan with your child about the start time of the routine. Your child will feel less frustrated about your interruption if it occurs at the agreed-upon time.

7. Learn how to collaborate. If it’s scheduled, it feels more collaborative. Schedules help create a culture of collaboration. When you create a schedule together with your child, you are honoring your child’s need to play, your child’s responsibility for routines, and the needs of the family as a whole. When you include your child in some decision-making, you are leading them onto a path of collaboration and independence. When you can share these important concepts with your child, you will find that they can accomplish so much more.

See the resources section to get detailed examples of how to set up a schedule of routines. The information in the resources section will help you to work more successfully with professionals.

The schedule is intended to prevent a trap that parents often fall into: The reminder trap. Because most children and adolescents don’t pay attention to the schedule unless it has something important to them, parents end up reminding them to do what’s in the schedule. Reminding often turns into nagging. Nagging turns into resistance, and resistance leads to frustration. That’s the trap of using too many reminders.

Instead of reminding so often, make sure that your child knows their schedule and starts to follow it independently. The strategies listed below can help build your child’s independence, and reduce the need for reminders.

Strategies to improve your child’s ability to follow the schedule and get routines done independently.

1. Physical support. First, be present while your child carries out their routines. Provide physical support if needed. For example, you might have to physically assist with dressing and self-care, by doing portions of your child’s self care for them. Gradually, fade your support. Do light hand-over-hand support instead of doing the task for your child. You can build up their skills until they show mastery.

2. Verbal support. Be present while your child completes routines, but don’t provide any physical supports. Only provide some verbal supports. Give a reminder, such as: “Be sure to brush your teeth at the back of your mouth” or “Remember to pull up your socks before you put on your shoes.” You can then start to fade your verbal support. “I think is see something you forgot in your dressing routine/ clean up routine. Can you see the part that’s missing?” If your child does not want you watching them, you can move to strategy #3.

3. Feedback. Once your child is capable of completing the routine independently, step out of the room and only provide intermittent verbal support. You can all this: “Error detection and correction.” It looks like this: you provide feedback less often. You can even time your feedback, so that it only occurs once or twice for the morning routine, or once or twice for the daily routine. This is harder to do than you might think: You’ll have to not say anything about everything your child missed until it’s the right time to share your feedback. When you do share the feedback, you may need to provide some physical or verbal support. Reducing your support this way helps to assure mastery over time

4. Pre-schedule your feedback. Don’t provide reminders about what’s on the schedule and also don’t provide corrective feedback until the pre-scheduled time. This strategy works well for children and adolescents who already know what they need to do, and can do it well, but tend to ‘forget’ about their tasks and chores and don’t do the task until reminded. Share your reminder at a pre-scheduled time. The fact that you have a pre-scheduled time for sharing your feedback might be enough to get your child or adolescent more focused. When you wait to give your feedback, you are also giving your child a chance to self-correct. Sometimes, they do self-correct! Self-correction deserves praise.

5. Ask, don’t tell. Don’t keep telling your child what to do. Ask them to tell you what’s next on the schedule. If they seem to ‘forget,’ you can also go and look at the schedule together.

6. Praise and positive feedback. Even though you are doing a lot of corrective feedback, make sure you start with praise and positive feedback. It might seem unnecessary, but it can really help if you say things like: “I like how you got yourself ready for school. You did everything on the list. Well done. “ Then, you can add: “There are some things that did not get done that are on the schedule. Do you need a reminder, or can you figure out what was left unfinished? “
   

Does the schedule really have to be the same every day?

No. Not everything needs to go by the schedule. Too much predictability can get boring. Also, you won’t always be be able to follow the schedule because unexpected events get in the way. Your child needs to learn how to tolerate changes in the schedule, and to be flexible. It’s not always just about following the schedule. The information below can help you make some good decisions about how much of your child’s life should be scheduled and how often you can make changes or be flexible with the schedule.

What part of the schedule should be fixed, and what can be flexible?

Sleeping and eating. Sleeping and eating times should be fixed, at least on school/ work days. Sleeping and eating routines build wellness and will make it easier for your child to get through the day. Don’t change the schedule of sleeping and eating routines too much. Time them by the clock.

Privileges and routines. You can mix up privileges and some of the routines in the schedule. For example, try offering your child a surprise from time to time. You could say: “You don’t have to clean up your room today, I will do it for you! Or, “We’re going to go out for supper and then go for ice cream today!” Some spontaneous fun is really important.

What should I do when life gets in the way of the schedule?

You can’t always stick to the schedule, but you can still use the ideas here to help your child tolerate changes to the schedule. Remember that the schedule is important because it creates a feeling of predictability. It reduces confusion. It increases compliance. But, sometimes, you can get stuck in a traffic jam. Or, there’s a problem at work and you can’t stick to the schedule. When this happens, you can use it as an opportunity to teach your child about being flexible. Be sure to explain to your child what happened, and why you are not following the schedule that day. If you like, create a new mini-schedule for that day or that half-day. Or, use the clock and show your child when the schedule will re-start. All of these strategies will help your child understand the change to the schedule and tolerate changes in the schedule.

What to do when schedules get boring.

A schedule that’s always the same can get boring. This is a problem for adults as well as children. That said, go slowly when you change the schedule. Most children do much better when they have a schedule that does not change too much. If your child shows the skills listed below, they might be ready for some changes and flexibility. Don’t make too many changes in the schedule until your child can do the following:

1. Your child can recite the schedule back to you

2. Your child is able to complete routines consistently, without much supervision from you

3. Your child is able to follow rules inside and outside the home

4. Your child is able to manage anxiety and frustration without much adult support

What to do if your child is rigid about the schedule

If your child is rigid about the schedule, you can introduce some changes from time to time to teach flexibility.. It might sound funny, but you can schedule a time for being un-scheduled. See if your child can tolerate the changes. Then, make some changes without letting your child know in advance, and see if you can help your child tolerate a spontaneous change.

What to do if your child lives in two homes

Children sometimes live in two homes, because their parents do not live together. It’s easiest for the child if the two parents continue to keep things the same or similar in both homes. That said, children can learn two different schedules. It might just take them a bit more time. Be sure to use a visual schedule in both homes, especially if the schedule looks different in each home.

Mastering new skills.

The schedule creates practice opportunities to help children master new skills. New skills can include extra-curricular activities such as learning how to play a musical instrument, participate in a drawing class, or play on sports team.

You can schedule extra-curricular activities after your child has learned how to follow a daily schedule.